Under the Terrible Burden of Destiny

I woke up this morning at about 8:00 in the AM, wishing I could have slept in longer, and wandered my way downstairs. There, I had a passing conversation with my parents as they left do some morning cleaning and I quickly settled down in front of the computer to pass the early morning in distraction.

As the clock ticked the minutes away, I found myself in more of a contemplative mood then I was expecting. Perhaps it was the early morning fog that was slowly wasting away beyond the scope of my perception, or maybe it was the slowly approaching end of my time on this Earth, brought to the forefront of my thoughts due to my age increasing my a full digit today.

In any case, I shortly found myself sifting through the vlogbrothers channel on youtube, a channel used by two brothers to communicate to each other concerning that which mattered to them that day. The videos tend to have a smattering of humor and seem to prove a point at sometime or another, overall being rather entertaining and occasionally thought provoking. I don't always agree with said provoked thoughts, but it always makes me think regardless, which I find a fantastic reason to spend four minutes of my life watching them.

And so it was that I came across this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4OxgTfZw1g0

This particular video stood out to me. At first I didn't understand why, all I could say was that the point it was trying to prove had vaguely something to do with my current mood or preoccupations. So I sat there, considering the ways in which it could be related to me and it all boiled down to the one phrase. Under the terrible burden of destiny. This phrase is apart of the greater text of a poem called Chicago written by Carl Sandburg in 1916.

I realized that this is precisely what I am at the moment. Struggling underneath the massive, vast weight of my future, coming to grips with the importance of every decision that I make by denying it that importance. This 'terrible burden of destiny' being everything that is yet to happen. It is a weight that simply pulls me onward toward choosing a profession, graduating from college, getting married, having children, and eventually, dying.

This weight pulls me onward, all the while asking me, "Will you be remembered? Will you do anything important? Does it all really matter?" The terrible burden of destiny is more then just the force driving me onward, but also, and perhaps more importantly, the desire to do something with my life.

However, there is more to that phrase. The full line of that poem says, "Under the terrible burden of destiny laughing as a young man laughs". The idea that despite, or rather, because of the looming inevitability of change and death, we laugh a careless, daring laugh of a young man in the very throes of life.

With that I realized that this book, and indeed, all books that I will write throughout the course of my life is me, laughing. Laughing in the face of that inevitability, daring it to come. Because the world will change, I will die, and everything about me will pass away, much like that early morning fog. But because of my relationship with God, the words that go into my books will last forever, as will I.


And so here I am, under the terrible burden of destiny, laughing as a young man laughs, feeling less and less burdened with each laugh. Hoping that, maybe, just maybe, because of my laughter, others will join with me.

Have a good Monday everyone!

Writing for my Future,
Marc Eshleman